The Impact of Co-Sleeping and Feeding to Sleep on Exhausted Mothers Mental Health

Recently I answered some tired mums posts on Facebook groups asking for help on how to stop the multiple night time feeding to sleep and waking, they were also very frustrated with the short 30 minute naps that I know many of you reading this may have experienced or are in the thick of right now. 

Many new mothers face overwhelming exhaustion, yet some feel pressured by other mums to co-sleep with their babies and continue feeding them to sleep. We wait for so long to have a baby and the excitement is so high, when baby is born many of us feel exhilarated and friends and family flock to see us…then…reality kicks in and sleep toddles off out the window. Many mums feel they can’t express how exhausted they are physically let alone mentally and are made to just suck it up…you wanted a baby so deal with it…and this really can be extremely hurtful and detrimental to a mothers mental health. It really does wind me up the wrong way...BIG TIME.

This pressure from other parents basically saying suck it up can come from a place of shared experience and good intentions, but it often overlooks the toll these situations can take on a mother’s mental health, especially when she is already drained.

Understanding why some mothers insist on these methods and how they might affect exhausted mothers is crucial for supporting each other.

In the words of Mel Robbins -”Let Them” comes to mind here but lets dive a little deeper here as I wanted to share my thoughts on this controversial topic.

Why Some Mothers Encourage Co-Sleeping and Feeding to Sleep

Co-sleeping and feeding to sleep are common practices among mothers worldwide. It is a normal biological practice. Many mums advocate for these methods because they believe it fosters bonding, helps babies feel secure, and can make night time soothing easier. For some, these practices worked well and brought comfort during challenging nights.

• Bonding and closeness: Mothers who co-sleep often describe a deep sense of connection with their babies. They feel more attuned to their child’s needs and can respond quickly to cries or discomfort especially when they don’t want to hear their baby cry even for a second.

  
  

• Ease of night time care: Feeding to sleep can help babies settle faster, reducing the time spent awake and possibly crying. This can feel like a practical solution during exhausting nights when you know you may be up for a long time.

  
  

• Cultural and social norms: In many cultures, co-sleeping is the norm and mothers may feel that following this practice is the right or expected way to care for their child.

  
  

These reasons explain why some mothers strongly encourage others to adopt these methods. They want to share what worked for them and believe it will help others cope better with the demands of motherhood.

The Reality for Exhausted Mothers

But for many other mums, feeding to sleep and co-sleeping comes with challenges that can worsen exhaustion and affect mental health. Partners end up sleeping in separate bedrooms creating a distance between partners, partners want to be involved in night time settling but can’t and feel pushed out, quality time with partners goes out the window causing perhaps some jealousy and tension in the home. (May sound crazy jealousy but I have seen it) 

For mothers already struggling with fatigue, the pressure to continue these practices can feel overwhelming and damaging.

• Interrupted sleep cycles: Co-sleeping often means mothers wake multiple times during the night to feed or soothe their baby. This can prevent deep, restorative sleep, increasing exhaustion leaving them feeling unable to care for their baby or themselves properly the next day.

  
  

• Difficulty in settling to sleep independently: Feeding to sleep can create a cycle where babies rely on feeding as the only way to fall asleep. This can make it harder for mothers to encourage independent sleep, prolonging night time demands they do not feel is sustainable anymore.

  
  

• Increased stress and anxiety: When mothers feel pressured to co-sleep or feed to sleep despite their exhaustion, they may experience guilt or frustration. This emotional strain can contribute to anxiety or depressive symptoms.

  
  

• Personal social life: Just because you had a baby does not mean you can’t see friends or leave the house for a gym class or god forbid 5 minutes peace! Yes it may take some planning but seeing friends and leaving the house can actually do you the world of good and not feel you are trapped in your house for the foreseeable. 

For example, a mother who is physically drained after a long day may dread bedtime because she knows she will have to feed her baby multiple times to get them to sleep. If she also feels judged by other mothers for wanting to stop this practice, her stress can intensify. Coupled with guilt and confusion on what is right…she forgets to think about what is right for her and her baby - stop thinking about what others think.

How Pressure from Other Mothers Can Affect Mental Health

The social pressure to co-sleep or feed to sleep can be subtle or direct. Some mothers may share their experiences enthusiastically, while others might express disappointment or judgment when different choices are made. This dynamic can harm exhausted mothers in several ways:

• Feelings of inadequacy: When a mother cannot or chooses not to co-sleep or feed to sleep, she might feel she is failing or not doing enough for her baby.

  
  

• Isolation: Pressure can make mothers withdraw from social groups or avoid sharing their true feelings, increasing loneliness.

  
  

• Reduced confidence: Constant advice or criticism can undermine a mother’s confidence in her parenting decisions, leading to self-doubt.

  
  

It is important to recognise that every mother’s situation is unique. What works for one may not work for another, and respecting individual choices supports better mental health.

Alternatives and Support for Exhausted Mothers

Mothers who feel exhausted and pressured to co-sleep or feed to sleep need practical alternatives and emotional support. Here are some strategies that can help:

• Gradual sleep training: Introducing gentle sleep routines can help babies learn to fall asleep independently without abrupt changes.

  
  

• Shared caregiving: Partners, family members, or friends can assist with night time care to reduce the mother’s burden but of course this can be hard if your baby is so attached to mum and feeding to sleep therefore the vicious cycle continues…

  
  

• Open conversations: Creating safe spaces where mothers can share their struggles without judgment encourages honesty and support.

  
  

• Professional guidance: Consulting paediatricians or experienced and trained sleep consultants can provide tailored advice that respects both the baby’s needs and the mother’s well-being.

  
  

By exploring these options, mothers can find a balance that protects their mental health while caring for their babies.

Recognizing When to Seek Help

Exhaustion and stress can sometimes lead to more serious mental health issues such as postpartum depression or anxiety disorders. Mothers should be encouraged to seek professional help if they experience:

• Persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness

• Difficulty bonding with their baby

• Overwhelming anxiety or panic attacks

• Thoughts of harming themselves or their child

  
  

Early intervention can improve outcomes for both mother and baby. Support networks, healthcare providers, and mental health professionals play a vital role in this process.

Create a supportive environment for exhausted mothers, it is essential to:

• Listen without judgment: Respect each mother’s choices and experiences.

  
  

• Offer practical help: Assist with chores, childcare, or simply provide a listening ear.

  
  

• Share information gently: Provide evidence-based advice without insisting on one “right” way.

  
  

• Encourage self-care: Remind mothers that taking care of themselves is crucial for their ability to care for their babies.

  
  

These actions can reduce the harmful effects of pressure and promote healthier mental states.

We all deserve understanding and support, not added stress from well-meaning but insistent advice from another parent who may not have a clue about what is going on behind closed doors at bedtimes.

If any of this resonates with you or would like to talk further about this topic come on over to my DM's in Instagram here and lets chat!

I hope you all sleep well tonight...

Rachael,

Your Paediatric Sleep Consultant

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